You Should Be Careful What You Wear

My truck had a maintenance appointment yesterday.

Here’s a bathroom selfie from the dealership.

Sometimes you make an extra long drive to get the kind of service that just feels right.

When my Tacoma needs oil changes and tire rotations, I will spend the extra 40 minutes each way to enjoy the coziest and cleanest Toyota dealership I’ve ever seen.

They have free coffee and fresh cookies and great wifi and a little deli thing and a gift boutique and OF COURSE all of those things exist because it’s female-owned. (lol wink wink)

The guy who’s sold me my last three Toyotas from there also speaks so highly of said female owner, which always gives me the warm fuzzies.

Those are the kinds of things that matter to me as a vehicle shopper - safety, reliability, order, comfort, and details.

HOWEVERRRRRR.....

Every time I go to this suburban town which is just over a half hour drive from Austin’s downtown area, THE VISUAL VIBES HIT SO SO DIFFERENT.

It’s the same feeling I get pretty much anywhere in Texas besides Austin...like I just went back in time at least a couple decades.

The ladies and gents I am amongst while waiting for my vehicle to be serviced are seemingly living in a different world.

• In my subjective brain, every person with a face that appears to be 25 or older is wearing attire, accessories and hairstyles that my parents did when I was in high school.
• The charming little boutique in the back of the dealership is selling goods that my grandma would wear, being purchased by people who appear to be my age.

This isn’t necessarily a “bad” thing by any means.

No moral judgement here.

But I AM noting that I feel out of place when I go there.

Even though I purposefully wear what I would consider “low key” things when I do.

And even though I would never consider myself someone who is super into styling or keeping up with the latest fashion trends.

Here’s a pic that I tried to take from far enough away that you couldn’t tell who these people were, but could pick up on the scene.

I talked about this in a previous newsletter that touches on fashion psychology a couple weeks back….I think appearance matters more than we give it credit for.

It’s not that other people’s opinions are so important — it’s that the way you present yourself affects how YOU see yourself.

I’m going to say this next little bit without trying to sound braggy and to just deliver my real world experiences:

• In the last decade of my life, as someone who is about to be 38 years old next month, nobody I’ve ever met for the first time has EVER heard my age and not said like “wow I can’t believe you’re that old” in some type of way.
• This has happened with almost all the college-aged kids I meet at my adult gymnastics classes, it’s happened with people around my age (who to me, look much older like the people at the dealership), and it’s happened with people a decade or two older than me.

And I’m not going to sit here and say “you should try to look younger!”, because that’s not the goal and that’s not the point of this.

But I simply don’t think about my age or what is “age appropriate” at all.

If I’m at a store and I see an item I like, I accept that I like it and consider buying it, regardless of what section it’s displayed in.

• In the last year, I’ve purchased new or thrifted clothing from the women’s, men’s juniors, girls, and boys sections of various stores.
• Similarly, in the last decade I’ve had purple, pink, orange, blonde, and naturally brunette hair.

Here in Austin, literally no one cares and I never feel out of place.

When I travel back home to South Texas with unnatural hair colors, I get lots of stares and verbal feedback that makes me uncomfortable.

To be clear, there’s no blanket statement to be made on how anyone should look at any time.

But these feedback loops have helped me understand how much WHERE you hang out and the ACTIVITIES you engage in, and the PEOPLE you’re around can absolutely have an affect on how much you allow yourself to be yourself.

If you’re told explicitly or by your environment that “people of a certain age dress a certain way”, then you will likely follow suit.

And that isn’t bad, unless it comes with the other lifestyle “shoulds” about “people your age”, which unfortunately includes a lot of “normal” (typically unhealthy) behaviors.

For an average 38 year old American like myself, it’s “normal” to be very inactive, drink a lot every weekend, have zero hobbies outside of work, be chronically stressed out, be overweight, be depressed, etc.

It’s SO SO SO IMPORTANT TO ME that I do not personally identify with any of those things.

But when I wear my crazy colored hair in places that are not quite as young and progressive as Austin, I feel myself become a smidge ashamed with the unwanted attention.

• I could see how living in places with an older or more suburban population for long stretches of time could keep me from being as active, healthy, and free as I’ve been able to feel in my adulthood.
• I could see how working in an office might unconsciously pressure me to become more conscious of how other people perceive me and how that could impact my career and financial opportunities.

While I never decided to work online as a way to stay true to myself, I can see how it’s allowed me to do so, and I’m forever grateful for that side effect.

xoxo,

AV

p.s. - my fave book on this topic is “Dress Your Best Life: How to Use Fashion Psychology to Take Your Look — and Your Life — to the Next Level” …the author says all of this stuff so much better than I ever will