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holiday guilt for you on xmas eve lol i’m sorry

my bad it just came out of my typing hands

AV

Dec 24, 2023 — 4 min read

Last post i was like “christmas vibes are so great!” but also i wanna be a scrooge for a minute right here in this one…

I can only assume the holidays are a huge bummer for loads of people around the world.

Maybe you hate your family or you have no family or you just generally don’t enjoy the fact that society as a whole completely changes the way it operates for a few weeks and it just messes up your groove.

I get it.

Personally, my least favorite part is the whole getting and giving of presents thing.

As a kid, loved it. As an adult, I hate it.

For people outside of my boyfriend and immediate family (4 people in the whole entire world), I feel TREMENDOUS pressure and anxiety about christmas gifts.

Not just about what to get for people, but also how to act when I am open things? Like am I performing an appropriate amount of gratitude for this item that I likely don’t even need?!?

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I also get super stressed out about holiday travel.

Not only are the roads and airports extra crowded, but I never feel like I’m doing it right because I’m never going to be physically present enough to make everyone happy.

My parents are divorced. Brandon’s parents are divorced. And as a couple, we don’t ever want to be apart from each other on the holidays.

So naturally, we only get to be with 1 of our 4 parents on any given day which leads me to feel like a terrible person towards the other 3 parents.

There is no possible way I will ever make everyone happy, and it’s difficult for me.

andrea valdez holding a christmas ornament that contains a photo of herself as a child — *me, a cheesin’ people pleaser since birth*

It leads me to doing literal physical guilt trips to various cities and states in the first couple months of every new year to make up for the fact that I couldn’t be there with every parent on Christmas.

I’m FULLY AWARE that this isn’t healthy.

I’m working on it. Typing this helps for some reason.

I have other millennial friends with aging parents who confirm they feel similarly, which also helps.

But it’s also still an awful sentiment that eats at me every single year.

And then there’s the additional guilt that arises because I am lucky enough to even have all these parents still in the world and still alive who would love to see me.

That’s a privilege in itself. So why the fuck am I whining that I am able to travel so much to see them.

The inside of my head is exhausting.

Let’s talk about something else.

Ah yes! A couple tiktoks i loved…Let’s discuss…

Remember in high school and college you could just go about your day and run into 3 of your besties and 20 of your acquaintances on your way to classes or errands?

You didn’t have to make a call or appointment or set a specific time to do this — it just casually happened.

And it was glorious and low key.

It kept you from being isolated or lonely without having to schedule a date, time, place, or outfit.

This guy below discussed some interesting arguments on how our poor city planning (in almost all of America, specifically) has led to this lack of healthy low-pressure interactions and I find it FASCINATING.

@jonjon.mp4 #stitch with @Ciao AmberC 1. Original barcelona video @The Happy Urbanist 2. Superillas @The Happy Urbanist 3. Places you drive through @The Happy Urbanist #urbanism #barcelona #socialization #sociology #urbandesign #pedestriandignity #espana🇪🇸 #pedestriandignity #walkablecitiesstink

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🎥 NUMBER 2 - INSANE TALENT MAKES ME LOSE MY MIND

Like my full body freaks out with dopamine after watching videos like I’m about to share with you.

I wouldn’t shut up for a solid 10 minutes talking (shrieking) to Brandon about all the crazy ways in which this TikTok of a girl playing a gigantic organ was the most impressive thing everrrrrrr

🤔 Like she has all 4 limbs working. The bottom two she can’t see at all.

🤔 So is she reading two sheets of music at the same time? Two brains?!?

🤔 And this instrument is so huge. You can’t even practice at home. So does she live at this church or theater? How many years of visiting this exact place did it take to get this good?

🤔 And if she goes to a different church or theater and the chair is different, does she have to learn all of this again because it’s an inch off? What about different shoes?

OH MY GOD i’m spiraling with delight just thinking about the dedication it took for her to get to this level.

I live for this shit.