3 books for a new identity + quitting things you love
and some quotes from each to help you pick your vibe
A few months ago I quit competitive gymnastics for the second time in my life.
The first time I was 14 and this time I was 37.
The first time felt earth-shattering and like my whole existence as a human was ending.
Gymnastics was all I knew and cared about.
This time, it felt like a relief to trust myself and follow the cues my internal compass was delivering to me.
Gymnastics is just one part of who I am, and I can always go back to it whenever it feels good and right to do so.
Like I’ve talked about before, the longer you’re an athlete, the more comfortable you are relying on yourself and your instincts.
I’ve been able to express those traits physically for a lot of years with both my bodily care and sports performance.
But emotionally, this was a first.
I felt the urge to move on from gymnastics, and about an hour later I was able to decisively tell my friends and my boyfriend I was done because I knew it was the correct and final choice.
It wasn’t easy, but I knew it was right.
In all my 30+ years competing in things and 6 sports entries and exits later, this was such a huge milestone and I was so proud.
Every other decision to quit or even take an extended break from a sport came from extreme physical burnout or intense emotional turmoil for at least a few months.
This one was so light and certain in comparison.
Here are 3 reasons why I believe this was an easier transition than all the others…
REASON 1 - NOW I ACCEPT WHEN SOMETHING DOESN’T LOVE ME BACK
The 3 months leading up to my decision to stop competing in adult gymnastics were logistical hell.
It felt so stupid to be forced out of a hobby for scheduling and facility access reasons, but that’s exactly what happened.
Before this fiasco, for a whole ass 2 and a half years since the pandemic, my friends and I had a frickin fantastic and productive training plan going.
It went like this:
- Mondays - GYM 1 for Vault/Bars/Beam/Floor (decent equipment)
- Tuesdays - GYM 2 for Trampoline and Tumbling
- Thursdays - GYM 3 for Vault/Bars/Beam/Floor (amazing equipment)
But then!!!
- In the late summer of 2023, GYM 3 was bought out by new owners and they closed their whole adult program.
- About a month later, a GYM 2 moved their adult practice day to Mondays, which now interfered with the usual GYM 1 practice.
- So then my friends and I tried a new GYM 4 that had a great facility but no formal adult gymnastics program.
- We snuck into their adult *tumbling* class a couple times and tried to casually hop on their bars and beams and stuff.
- We got in trouble for this ^ lol
- I emailed their manager to see if it would be possible for us to use the equipment if we paid for private lessons to get gym time.
- A couple days later, I received the rejection email. They did not want adults on their equipment at all.
And it was at that moment that my internal spiral started.
In my gut it was just obvious.
I was done running around town trying to make this work.
I was done making repeated 30- to 40-minute commutes multiple days per week around the city to just keep hitting roadblocks and obstacles that kept me from progressing.
It officially became more of a stress than it was worth.
Now don’t get me wrong, I LOVE gymnastics and I always will.
But it, like any hobby or sport or person, should be a net positive.
The instant it starts to take more than it gives, it’s gotta go.
For whatever reason, the Austin gymnastics scene that had treated us so well for so long felt like it was telling me to move the fuck on, and so I did.
And it was relieving.
One day in the future when I move cities or find a new gym or feel like it’s worth all the runaround effort, I can always go back.
But that time isn’t right here or right now and I accept that.
REASON #2 - NOW I KNOW THAT MY BODY IS SMART AF
When I came back to the sport at the age of 34 (after a 20-year break), I thought it would take a few years to ever be half as good as I was in my early teens.
Turns out it only took a few months — and that’s even while I was injured and kind of immobilized from a previous movement dysfunction journey.
I first walked into a gymnastics facility in late August of 2019, and had a Level 8 bar routine ready to compete by the end of February 2020.
Here is an IG post that includes the actual bar routine and meet recap.
Then of course, quarantine started like 2 weeks afterwards and everyone on earth knows how that went so I won’t rehash it.
Howeverrrrr the point is that it was literally like riding a bike.
Sure, it took a while to develop the specific strength and mobility to do those old tricks.
But once I felt like my body was prepared to try them, the muscle memory just kicked in and made it all happen.
I now have complete faith that any point in my life that I’d ever want to return to training this sport, it will come back just as quickly.
And probably even faster than it did this time, because I won’t have the mental barrier of self-doubt or a lack of confidence that took me a few months to shake off.
REASON #3 - NOW I REALIZE EVERYTHING IS A DIMMER, NOT A SWITCH
When I had to leave gymnastics as a 14- year old, there was no other way to keep training.
Once I quit, my parents didn’t drive me to the gym 6 days a week anymore.
I didn’t have my own home or my own money to buy my own equipment.
I would rarely, if ever, see my closest friends who still spent all their free time at the gym without me.
There were no recreational leagues in the late nineties.
And I didn’t know adult gymnastics would or could ever exist as an option for me.
It truly felt like a life sentence to never do those tricks ever again.
But now, in this decade, the options are endless.
I can do handstands and flips in my home whenever I want because I’m a grown up with my own money.
Here are some clips of the kinds of pandemic training I did during the 2020 lockdowns — it includes both lifting and flipping footage.
Also, I decided to keep going to that one trampoline and tumbling class per week because it’s simply SO DAMN FUN and I still get to catch up with my flipping friends here and there.
I can also still hop into any of their other gymnastics practices to play around if I ever wanted to.
(Although I usually don’t, because I’m focusing on weight training right now and do that with Brandon 4 nights a week instead….But I could!)
It’s not all or nothing. Not black and white.
Most things in life exist on a gradient and I know that now.
SELF PERCEPTION CAUSES THE FRICTION
This whole write up is comparing 14 year old me to 37 year old me, but I fucked this up so many more times in the years between.
I had emotional meltdowns when I quit competitive cheer in 2011, when I quit bodybuilding in early 2015, when I quit powerlifting in 2016, and when I quit crossfit training in 2018.
Every time got a bit less psychologically heavy, but they each took months of building up and burning out until I snapped.
If I’m honest with myself in hindsight, I kinda subconsciously knew I was going to quit at least a few weeks before I could say it out loud.
I would try to shove down those thoughts because it would mean having to go through another identity shift, which is never easy.
But let me tell y’all I’ve been working SOOOO hard on it the last few years and it’s relieving to see it pay off.
HERE ARE SOME BOOKS THAT HELPED ME WITH THOSE IDENTITY CHANGES
These reads helped me see the power and possibility that comes with simply deciding to be someone else.
I could say “okay, I’m not a competitive gymnast any more right now, so what else am I? And am I happy with that? And if not, how do I want to change it?”
For you, it could be a job change or relationship change or school change or whole career path change.
Maybe a new city or home or community requires you to think of yourself differently.
Or maybe, in order to CREATE some favorable changes in your life, you need to pick a new personality that allows and encourages those shifts.
Whatever it is, I genuinely think these books can be useful.
Even though they have varying tones and deliveries, I’ve loved all of them differently and I hope at least one of them fits the bill for you and your goals ❤️
📚 BOOK 1 📚
Personality Isn’t Permanent by Benjamin Hardy
This book comes at the subject from a more sciency/researchy kind of slant since this guy is an organizational psychologist.
I feel like it says “you need to pick a huge purposeful project, and chasing that goal will make you a different person”.
Here are a some of my saved Kindle highlights that might help you decide if it’s your vibe:
“The argument of this book is that your “personality” doesn’t matter. Even more, your personality is not the most fundamental aspect of who you are. Instead, your personality is surface-level, transitory, and a by-product of something much deeper.”
“In order to become a new person, you must have a new goal— a purpose worth pursuing. Your goal is the reason you develop new attributes and skills, and have curated transformational experiences. Without a meaningful goal, attempting change lacks meaning, requires unsustainable willpower, and ultimately leads to failure.”
“Personality is not stable but changes regardless of whether you’re purposeful about that change or not. In fact, psychologists agree that you shouldn’t be surprised to get different test scores on the same personality test at different times or even in different settings.”
📚 BOOK 2 📚
The Alter Ego Effect by Todd Herman
This book comes at the subject from a more performance-based kind of slant, since this guy mostly coaches athletes and celebrities.
I feel like it says “you need to pick an ideal identity or ‘mascot’ with the characteristics you value, and that will help you become a different person”.
Here are a some of my saved Kindle highlights that might help you decide if it’s your vibe:
“Well, the idea of using Alter Egos to create some distance between how you currently see yourself and how you’d like to perform is not only smart, it’s backed by research. A lot of my clients initially talk about how their Alter Egos protected them, only to later realize that their Alter Ego was actually who they always were and who they had always wanted to be.”
“Never forget: the Alter Ego Effect is something you inherently already know how to do. What if I asked you, what would Batman do? Or Ellen DeGeneres? Or James Bond? You’d automatically know how to play with the idea. Maybe not flawlessly, but you’d be able to play with those Alter Egos and show up slightly differently.”
“You may see yourself as someone who’s a kind and nice person. (Those are great qualities.) However, on the Field of Play of work, people may take advantage of that kindness and heap more work on you than is fair, or use it to negotiate unfair terms. Instead, I’m asking you to be more intentional about who needs to show up on that field. This isn’t about dishonoring who you are. This is about really looking at the characteristics that will help you succeed, and bringing that part of you to life with the help of an Alter Ego.”
📚 BOOK 3 📚
The Fire Starter Sessions by Danielle Laporte
This book comes at the subject from a more feminine/spiritual kind of slant, since she is a self proclaimed heart-centered teacher and facilitator.
I feel like it says “you need to really get clear on what types of things make you feel good and alive, and chasing those feelings will make you a different person”.
Here are a some of my saved Kindle highlights that might help you decide if it’s your vibe:
“If you want to access your full range of power, then commit to dreaming about your ideal life. Your subconscious and articulated desires are veins of gold that lead to whatever you want to call prosperity.”
“So what about good, old-fashioned sweat and determination? It’s essential, of course. But there is a remarkable difference in slogging to fit the bill and pushing yourself to break the mold. There’s being obligated to run hard versus wanting to run hard. There’s duty, and there’s passion. And you can’t fake passion.”
“Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?”
“Your life purpose is what you say it is. Who could tell you otherwise?”
Holy shit this was a looooooong and winding road of a post lol — thank you for sticking with me!!!
Talk soon :)
xoxo,
AV ❤️
